My Dog Named Sex

MY DOG NAMED SEX

Usually, everyone who has a dog either calls him Rover, Ranger, Rambo or such other striking names. I called mine SEX. Well, SEX is a very embarrassing name as I later found out.

One day, I took SEX for a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for the dog. Then a policeman came and asked me what I was doing in an alley at 4 o’clock in the morning. I said, “I’m looking for SEX.” The next thing I knew, I was already in jail on charges of vagrancy and sexual perversion.

Another day, I went to the City Hall to get a dog license for SEX. The clerk asked me what I wanted. I told him I wanted a license for SEX. He said he would like one too if it was possible. When I said, “But this is a dog!” he said he didn’t care what she looked like. Then I said, “You don’t understand. I’ve had SEX since I was two years old.” He replied, “Oh yeah? You must have been a very strong baby boy.”

When I decided to get married, I told the priest that I wanted to have SEX at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the ceremony. I said, “But SEX has played a big part in my life and my whole lifestyle revolves around SEX.” At this point the priest got very angry. He said he didn’t want to hear about my personal life and he would not marry us in his church. I told him that everyone attending the wedding would enjoy having SEX there. He then threw me and my bride and our families out of the church and we were married by the City Mayor the next day.

My wife and I took the dog along with us on our honeymoon. When we checked into a motel, I told the receptionist that I wanted a room for my wife and myself and a special room for SEX. She said that every room in the motel was for sex. Then I said, “You don’t understand, SEX keeps me awake all night.” And she said, “Me too.”

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight custody of the dog. I said, “Your Honor, I had SEX before I got married to this woman.” And the judge said, “Oh, I had sex before marriage too.”

Well, now that I’ve been thrown to jail, been separated, and had more damn trouble with that dog that I had ever bargained for, life was never the same again for me. Seeking counsel for all my troubles, I went to a psychiatrist and she said, “What seems to be the problem?” I replied, “Well, SEX has died and left my life. It’s like losing a best friend and it’s so lonely.” The psychiatrist looked at me and said, “Hey, mister, you and I know that sex isn’t a man’s best friend… so go get yourself a dog.”